Just A Bunch of Random Letters

Think about it, you’re reading a book or writing a paper and you look at a word and after a while, it doesn’t look like a word anymore. Just a bunch of letters thrown randomly together. You start to think. You know that these letters make a word, but when you really look at it, it just looks so weird. Like there’s no way that these letters could mean anything at all.

Sometimes, life can feel that way. Like all we are is just a bunch of random events thrown together with no meaning at all. The things that happen to us in our lives, or the things that we have done are all just separate events. We know that our lives must have some sort of meaning, but everything is so random and thrown together and confusing. Life doesn’t flow together like we think that it should. It all seems so meaningless and separate. Like there’s no point to this day to day life that we’re living. It’s not going to go anywhere. That it will just go on and on and on and on.

Now, when you look back at the letters on the page, you eventually think about it and see the true meaning of the word again. It’s recognizable again. You see the word as a whole, not just all of the random letters. This word really does mean something. The letters may be randomly thrown together, but together, they have meaning.

Same goes with our lives. The things that happen may feel meaningless and random sometimes. You might get caught up in routine so much that you begin to lose focus and find it difficult to even recognize yourself anymore. But through all of that, you’re still there. Your life still has meaning even if you can’t see it. And at some point, you’ll look back at all of these random events you’re living right now and see that it all adds up. They might be a bunch of random events, but if you look at life as a whole, you’ll see that the trials and triumphs of today make you into who you’re going to be tomorrow and for the rest of you life.

Even looking back to where you were a couple of years ago and seeing how much has changed. How much you have changed, how much the way you look at life has changed, how much the people in your lives have changed. You might be in a completely different spot than you were back then. You’re seeing it as a whole, but when you were living in that time, it was all separate and random.

Give it time and a little patience, and someday, you’ll see that while your life might be a bunch of random letters, if you look back at the whole, they spell something beautiful.

The One Thing I Miss About High School

So today, I went to my old high school to watch my brother and his girlfriend do a skit in their homecoming assembly. While I was there watching all of the seniors explain why they should be king or queen, I got to thinking. I do not miss high school.

I do not miss being treated like a child by teachers and security guards. I do not miss not having one ounce of trust or respect from those same teachers and security guards. I do not miss the annoying bells ringing every hour reminding you that you’re late to class. I do not miss the crowded hallways or the slamming lockers. I do not miss peers that do not know how to be respectful to teachers. I do not miss any of those things.

I thoroughly enjoy the freedom that college brings. The fact that you can walk freely around campus, be you without having people left and right tell you that you’re wrong. No more needless rules to follow.

But there is one thing that I do miss about high school.

Time.

Time to spend goofing around and just being you.

Time to make the most of your last few years of being a kid.

Time to spend with people you’ll likely never see again after graduation.

Time to fail miserably and not affect whether or not you graduate.

Time to not do homework because it’s useless and a waste of time.

Time to screw up and not have it totally ruin the rest of your life.

Time to not have to be terrified that you’re doing everything wrong.

Time before sleepless nights thinking about what in the world you’re going to be doing for the rest of your life and wondering whether or not you’re completely moving in the wrong direction begin.

Time to figure things out before you’re thrown into the real world.

Time before having to make the biggest decisions of their lives.

I envy the time that these students have.

You Are Worth It

I’ve never met you,

I don’t know your name,

But I read your words on this screen and my heart breaks,

Just know that my heart goes out to you,

I’ve been where you are,

And I pray that you come to realize, like I did, that there are people who love you,

People who care, people who are crushed, because you do this to yourself,

Next time you think about skipping a meal,

Next time you think about sticking your finger down your throat,

Next time you think about cutting,

Think of your family or your friends,

How would they feel if they saw you like this?

I know that I don’t know you, but I too am crushed at the fact that you do this to yourself,

You don’t deserve it,

I didn’t deserve it,

No one does,

You may think you’re not skinny enough,

You may think you’re not pretty enough,

You may think you’re not worth it,

You may think that the world would be better off without you,

Those are lies that you can’t let yourself believe,

Next time you look in the mirror,

Seek out the truth,

You are beautiful,

You are worth it.

Perfection Is Untouchable

Don’t live your life seeking perfection, you’ll come up empty handed every time. There’s no way to reach it.

Instead, live life as if there’s no tomorrow. As if today is your last day. Because one day, it will be.

Cherish the people that you have in your life. They won’t always be there. 

Make the most of today. But not in a wasteful way. You only live this day once. Live it right.

Be the person you know in your heart that you were meant to be. If you don’t know who that person is yet, continue seeking it through every day. You never know, the smallest thing might help you see who you were really made to be.

Have faith in the unseen. There’s more to this life than so many of us think.

Don’t waste time worrying about the past or the future. There’s nothing you can do about it now. If you spend today worrying, you may miss some pretty great memories.

Be nice to everybody. You don’t know what kind of day they might be having. And the kindness you show them might be just what they need. It might turn a bad day around.

We all want our lives to mean something. Life means nothing if you’re living only for yourself. Live for a greater cause.

Be aware of the things going on around you. There’s more to this world than the life that you’re living. Don’t live your life as if you’re oblivious to that fact.

There are so many things that can and will go wrong in life. But that’s what makes life interesting.

Life isn’t going to be perfect. Just make it mean something.

Fraaaans

Friends are an interesting subject to talk about. Just because there are so many different kind of friendships out there, there are friends that talk behind each other’s backs, friends that don’t care about the people that they’re friends with and just talk to them when they need something, friends that treat each other like crap, friends that are fake, and so on.

And then there are true friends.

The kind that are there whenever you need them. That know you, and your struggles. That are still your friends, even though they know of the darkest times in your past. That bring out the best in you. That hardly ever make plans, but still always seem to be together. That rarely experience drama. That don’t care about your weirdness, because they have their own weirdness as well. That hold you accountable and confront you when you’re doing something that they know you will regret. Friends that truly and genuinely love you.

I don’t think I ever knew a friendship like this until my senior year of high school. I’ve talked about that year quite a bit on here I feel like, but that was seriously a year of change for me. It was the year that I lost the best friend I thought I had ever had, and also the year that began the greatest friendships I have ever had, and probably will ever have.

I met and became friends with some amazing people through that year. Some people that I know I will be close friends with for the rest of my life. God has seriously blessed me with this group. It was weird when these friendships started out, it was like it was supposed to happen, it was so easy to be myself around these people. It’s like we just fit together. The friends that I have the privilege to have are basically the definition of true friends. We know each other’s past, struggles, and stories. We are completely weird and random all the time. And honestly, I couldn’t have asked for better friends. I love each and every one of them and I am so thankful for them.

True friends are out there. Don’t settle for the fake friends when there are real ones out there.

I feel like there are so many friendships out there that are based on lies or have so much drama in them. And I know that there are people out there that feel like they don’t have any friends at all or any friends that truly care about them. I know how that feels. I have been there myself. It sucks. But I just feel like if you find the right people and the right time comes, you will find people that get you and that really care about you. It sucks to have the people that you thought cared about bully you. And you don’t deserve that, you deserve so much better. So I just want to say that if you are in a friendship like that, first of all, I’m sorry, and second of all, you don’t have to put up with it. It sucks to imagine life without having people care about you, but if your so called “friends” treat you like crap, then chances are they don’t care and they’re not the friends you deserve. We all want to be accepted. So find people that truly accept you and aren’t fake about it. People that love you for you. Cause you are the person you will always be. Don’t change who you are for anyone. Be yourself, and if people don’t like it, don’t give them the time of day. I know it’s not that easy. There are people out there that will care about you and accept you. You just have to make an effort and find them.

Boredom

Today, I’m tired.

Yesterday, I was tired.

I’m fairly positive that tomorrow, I’ll be tired.

Today I was thinking. Am I tired, or am I just bored?

I feel like bored and tired go hand in hand. If I’m not doing something constantly, or if I’m sitting in the same spot for an extend amount of time (sitting in class is a prime example of this), I find myself thinking, “Man, I’m really tired.”

But I’ve realized, I don’t think it’s that I’m tired. I think it’s that I’m bored.

Bored in class or even just bored with life. Going through day by day, week by week, doing the same thing. Going from school to work or school to church. Having little free time to spend with my family, do homework, or write. Doing everything without much feeling because it’s so routine that I’m just sick of it. I need a change. I need to get out of where I’ve been for so long and do something different. Something that I want to focus on, not something that I’m forced to focus on.

I have this deep desire to make a change, but no idea where to start. No idea of what even needs to change. I just know that something needs to. I feel empty and bored. That’s not how life is supposed to be. 

Dear Jon

In this moment, I don’t know how I should feel,

I’m not quite sure if this was ever real,

Whatever the case, I’m sorry to say,

That too long have I kept my feelings at bay,

I’ve tried to ignore this nagging inside,

It kept coming up but I’d push it aside,

And here it’s come to this moment now,

When I tell you that some way, some how,

This has gone on too long; it just has to end,

I’m sick of this charade, this playing pretend,

Just know that in no way did I intend to hurt you,

The feelings I thought I felt just weren’t true,

When I’ve known for so long but have waited to tell,

I can’t help but feel guilty for putting you through hell,

But there you were, you were on cloud nine,

And who was I to take away from that time,

So now we’re here, you stare at the ground,

And I know this must be what it feels like to drown,

Because seeing you there, so hurt and destroyed,

To think that it’s my fault, that I could have avoided,

This moment of sadness, the deafening silence,

It’s filling my lungs with anger and violence,

How could I do what I’ve done to your life,

Just thinking about it fills me with strife,

You walk out the door, still wondering why,

As I stop a tear from leaving my eye,

Yours is a smile I will truly miss,

I’m sorry…so sorry it came down to this.