Twenty Tomorrow

So I recently heard this song called Twenty Tomorrow by Ben Rector and I thought it would be a good song to cover since I will in fact be twenty tomorrow. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5bh8hATqrq4&feature=youtu.be)  I rewrote some of the lyrics to make it reflect more of me and how I’m feeling at this point in my life.  I recorded the song and put together a video of some pictures from throughout the years.  It was so great to look back at memories from the past two decades.

Looking back at the people I’ve had in my life throughout the past 20 years has proved to me the fact that the people we have in our lives help make us who we are.  I would not be the person I am today if it weren’t for all of the people that I’ve met along the way.  I am so incredibly thankful for every single person that I have had the privilege of knowing thus far.  Thank you for helping me find myself.

I am so blessed to have an amazing family.  I’m so happy that God placed me in a family with such an incredible group of people.  I know that we will all forever be close and love each other no matter what happens.  I have so many memories with these people and each and every one of them has taught me so much about life and about myself.  I don’t know where I would be without such a strong support system.  I know I wouldn’t even be close to be where I am today without them.

While I was looking through pictures, there were so many of me and my brothers.  Goodness, I love those three so much.  They are my best friends.  I honestly don’t know what I would do without them.  Though I always used to wish that at least one of them was a girl so that I could have a sister, and a lot of the memories we have involve fighting and arguing, and they always leave toothpaste in the sink, and sometimes it’s hard to love them, I cherish them so much.  I want the best for them.  I know that they will all grow up to be amazing men and I am so insanely proud of them.

I have some of the best friends I could ever ask for.  I feel so grateful to have such people in my life who love me for who I am.  People who know me and my struggles and are always there for me.  They’ve helped me break out of the box that I kept myself contained in for so long.  I am constantly inspired by each one of them.  They are such incredible men and women of God and I look up to them so much.  True friends are hard to find, but I truly believe I have found some of the truest friends ever.

I posted my first YouTube video when I was in eighth grade.  I never imagined that it would become what it has.  I honestly don’t know how it happened.  I never thought that people would listen to and buy my music.  I never even really thought that I would be comfortable singing in front of people.  It’s crazy to think of where I started and where I am now.  It still blows my mind to think that people all around the world watch my videos and have my music on their iPods.  To every fan; thank you.  Those two words don’t seem like enough, but thank you so much for supporting me and encouraging me these past six years.  Thank you for making this what it has come to be and helping me make my dreams come true.  I am so incredibly thankful for each and every one of you.

I have learned see the world around me.  This ever changing, sometimes scary world.  To slow down and really notice the little things.  The things that this fast-paced lifestyle has blurred out of our vision.  This is such a beautiful place and I have begun to look at it as that.  To take in all of the things that happen around me every day.  To look at the way that we interact with each other.  To love people–even those who are hard to love.  To try to do what I can to make this world a better place.  I’ve really taken notice to how short life is and make my best effort to make the most of every day.

If there’s one thing I never thought I would be–never in a million years–it would be a leader.  I never saw myself as someone who people looked up to.  I was never a very confident person.  I was always content standing in the background.  But through the past couple years, I have begun to see leadership qualities in myself that I never thought I had.  I am now a worship leader and a small group leader to a group of middle schoolers whos’ lives I am so happy to be able to be a part of.  From those experiences, I have learned so much about myself and about leading others.  It has helped me grow in who I am and in my relationship with God.  We learn new things about ourselves all the time.  There are things now that you never think you’ll be able to do or be.  Don’t count those things out.  One day, it just might happen.

I honestly can’t believe that I’ve been alive for twenty years.  I still feel so much like a kid.  Like I don’t know nearly as much as I thought I would at this point I my life.  I don’t feel like a “grown up”.  I don’t feel like I’m qualified to be an “adult”.  And I’m not sure I ever will.  And I think that’s kind of the beauty of it.  Time goes on and we get older whether we feel like we’re ready or not.  We’re thrown into the pool and expected to keep our head above water.  And the amazing thing is, we do.  We might not be ready when we’re thrown in, but we learn what we need to along the way and pretty soon, we’re swimming.

Social Disconnect

Lets go back.  To a time when we didn’t spend more than half of our days on a computer or phone.  To when we actually had real conversations with our family and friends.  To when, instead of sending someone a text, we would stop at their house just to say hey–to when it wasn’t socially strange to do so.  To when we actually remembered the birthdays of our family and friends.  To writing letters to the people we love instead of a Facebook message (there’s something about a letter that’s so much more personal and exciting to receive than a message on Facebook–but that’s a whole other topic).

There are times when I wish that I lived in a day without all of this technology. In a world that wasn’t so “connected” as we are.  In a time when we had to talk to and get to know people to become friends, not just click confirm on a computer screen.  I wish I lived in a world that was more personal than this world has become.  Where people didn’t need Facebook to remind them of birthdays, but instead, cared enough to remember and give those people a phone call.  To let them know that they care, that they’re still here.

In my opinion (though it might not mean much), we are too connected.  Everything is at our fingertips.  No effort required.  We can have face to face conversations with people half way around the world over a computer or phone.  We can buy things with the click of a button.  We have the ability to contact anyone, anywhere, in the palm of our hand.  Yeah, that technology might be cool, but we rely on it so much.  We are so dependent on these devices that we wouldn’t know what to do without them.  We as a society wouldn’t be able to function.  It’s sad.

Let’s go back to when things were simpler.  More personal.  Let’s spend time with the people we love and not be tempted to take out our phone and talk to someone else.  Let’s cherish the time that we get to be in the presence of the people we care about.  Let’s stop taking for granted the people that are right here right now.

We’ve forgotten the power of a conversation in person with those that we love.  We forget to look at the beauty that exists outside of a computer screen.  We’ve stopped taking in the incredible sights that we pass everyday.  It’s like we’re stuck living in this virtual world when the real world is right there in front of us.

I’ve recently been noticing how much time I waste–yes, waste–on the computer and my phone everyday.  And doing what?  Nothing.  Scrolling through looking at Facebook statuses,  Tweets, and Instagram pictures of people I haven’t talked to in years or celebrities I’ve never met when I have family and friends that I could be spending time with.  Making memories with.  What memories are you going to make with your computer or phone?  None.  It’s the people in our lives that make experiences memorable.  I’ve wasted too much time being distracted from the things that really matter.

It’s not easy to give these things up.  It’s not even that we need to completely give them up.  I guess this technology has become a part of our identities in a way.  But it is important to remember that it’s not everything.  To take a step back and realize that it’s not worth it to have these things take over our lives as they so often do.  It shouldn’t come to the point where we don’t know what to do with ourselves when our phone breaks.  Or when we spend hours a day on Facebook or Twitter.  Or when we happen to be somewhere where there’s no phone service.  It’s not the end of the world.  There is so much more to life.  There is so much more to see.  To experience.  But when we’re so distracted with these things, we don’t take the time to look.

If you feel the way I do and want to spend your time living your life instead of wasting the time that you have, I encourage you to try it.  We’ve lost sight of what’s really important.  The people in our lives.  They matter more than we may realize.  When you’re with friends or family, have everyone put their phones in a bowl or a box or on a counter so that they’re not tempted to use them while you’re spending time together.   Cut down on the time you spend on the computer everyday.  Be around people.  Call up a friend or stop by a friends house just to say hey.  Write a letter.  Learn something new. Read a book. Journal.  Go for a walk.  Look at this beautiful world that we live in.  There is so much beauty to be seen if we just open our eyes to see it.  Life is short.  We need to stop wasting it.

Speaking My Mind

I wouldn’t say that I forgive you if I didn’t

I wouldn’t say that I’ve forgotten if I still remember

What you did to me

If the best revenge is living well that’s what I’m doing

I’ve learned to speak my mind whenever it’s needed

Whenever it’s needed

 

Woah Woah Woah Woah

 

Nobody’s perfect this I understand completely

But you didn’t have to go and tear me down like you did

Don’t get me wrong I’ve forgiven you already

But this has been inside so long it needs to get out

Before it drives me insane

 

And I, I’m over it

And this is the last step

Get it off my chest

And I, I’m over it

And this is the last step

Speaking my mind

 

Woah Woah Woah Woah

 

Now who’s to say I shouldn’t speak my mind cause it’s been so long

It’s something that I was never able to do around you

Well things are different now

And time can soothe the pain a little more than I can myself

It’s hard to forget, I’m just being honest like you never were

 

And I, I’m over it

And this is the last step

Get it off my chest

And I, I’m over it

And this is the last step

Speaking my mind

 

Woah Woah Woah Woah

 

And I cut the strings

That held me back from everything

From everything

There’s nothing more to see

Cause I burned the bridge and yeah I cut those strings

From you to me

 

And I, I’m over it

And this is the last step

Get it off my chest

And I, I’m over it

And this is the last step

Speaking my mind

 

Woah Woah Woah Woah

Woah Woah Woah Woah

 

Link to song:

https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/finding-myself/id598460623

Copyright 2012

We All Have A Story

It’s been a rollercoaster ride

But now everything’s all right

Everything’s all right

I never thought that I would find

So many things about this life

That make it worth living

 

When I was at my lowest point

I didn’t know which way to turn

You picked me up

Turned me around

And showed me how

To live this life in such a way

That much can come from what I say

And what I do

It’s all from You

It’s all from You

 

I have a story to tell

A story of a time in which I fell

Farther than I ever have

Farther than I ever knew

When I was feeling all alone

Feeling like I was standing on my own

You showed me that wasn’t true

God, You helped me through

 

Yeah I really thought it was the end

But now it’s bright enough to see

It was just the beginning

The beginning of a life that now I see

Was truly meant to be

A life that wasn’t weak

 

And now I’m here to let you know

That when you think you’re on your own

You’re not alone

You’re not alone

You’re not alone

And in this story of you life

You can help someone with their fight

To overcome

To overcome

Like you have done

 

We all have a story to tell

A story of a time in which we fell

Farther than we ever have

Farther than we ever knew

When we were feeling all alone

Feeling like we were standing on our own

You showed us that wasn’t true

God, You helped us through

 

And despite my growing fears

When it feels like You’re not near

You’re always there

And my story’s not over

It’s being written still

By the greatest Author of all time

 

I have a story to tell

A story of a time in which I fell

Farther than I ever have

Farther than I ever knew

And when I’m feeling all alone

When I feel like I’m standing on my own

You show me that’s not true

God, You help me though

God, You help me through

 

Link to song:

https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/finding-myself/id598460623

Copyright 2012

Finding Myself

Who am I today

It seems to change all the time

One minute I will be me

Only to change into who the world wants me to be

 

Cause how can I live up to the expectations of this place

And when will I speak up

And say that I’m not sure of where I’m heading

To all of you who have told me that I’ll make it one day

Sometimes I’m not so sure

Sometimes I run away from it

Sometimes I lose myself

I’m a stranger to me

 

Why’s it gotta be that the hardest thing for me

Is the fact that life’s so hard to read

The uncertainty

It makes me crazy

To the point where I can’t sleep

 

Cause how can I live up to the expectations of this place

And when will I speak up

And say that I’m not sure of where I’m heading

To all of you who have told me that I’ll make it one day

Sometimes I’m not so sure

Sometimes I run away from it

Sometimes I lose myself

I’m a stranger to me

 

And while I find myself in this life

Just bear with me as I try

To find where I fit in

In this sea of different places

There’s so many choices to make

How can I make the right one

With all these thoughts running through my head

Cause how can I live up to the expectations of this place

And the people I’m afraid I will let down

And when will I speak up and say that I’m not sure of where I’m heading

I can’t pick my feet up off the ground

And to all of you who have told me that I’ll make it one day

You’ve been with me since the beginning

But sometimes I’m not so sure

Sometimes I run away from it

But even through all the doubt

I’m gonna find myself

 

Link to song:

https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/finding-myself/id598460623

Copyright 2012

All About You

You are there even when I can’t feel you at all

You are there when I feel like I am gonna fall

You are there when I don’t know who I’m gonna be

You are there You help me see through my uncertainties

 

And I don’t know what’s gonna come tomorrow

And all I know is here and now I’m with you

 

Through trouble and pain

I will proclaim

That You are God

And You are here

Through triumph and truth

It’s all about You

 

You are there when they tell me that I’m always wrong

I’m never right I don’t belong

You are there even when I can’t seem to believe

That You are with me You are with me

 

Through trouble and pain

I will proclaim

That You are God

And You are here

Through triumph and truth

It’s all about You

 

Through trouble and pain

I will proclaim

That You are God

And You are here

Through triumph and truth

It’s all about You

 

And I don’t know what’s gonna come tomorrow

And all I know is here and now I’m with you

 

Through trouble and pain

I will proclaim

That You are God

And You are here

Through triumph and truth

It’s all about You

 

Link to song:

https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/finding-myself/id598460623

Copyright 2012

Missing What Never Was

I don’t mean to be so distant

I don’t mean to ruin the life of the party

But when I see you there

I can’t help but close my eyes

And imagine what we could be

If it was you and me

But then I come back to reality

To be honest, I don’t like what I see

 

You’re hand in hand and walking by

Like there’s no care in the world

If only you could see that I’ve been losing my mind over you

 

I’m not the best at expressing how I feel

But now I’m thinking that maybe that’s a good thing

I’ll save myself the embarrassment of looking like a fool

And chasing after you

I never thought someone would be able to steal

A part of my heart without even trying

But now I see that it’s not even real

I’m missing what never was

 

Our eyes meet from across the room

And I smile awkwardly cause I know

That you have no idea how I feel

We’ve been friends for a while now

You should be able to smile now without

Taking my breath away

 

You don’t see me the way I see you

It’s obvious now

It’s clear that you can’t see that I’ve been losing my mind over you

 

I’m not the best at expressing how I feel

But now I’m thinking that maybe that’s a good thing

I’ll save myself the embarrassment of looking like a fool

And chasing after you

I never thought someone would be able to steal

A part of my heart without even trying

But now I see that it’s not even real

I’m missing what never was

I’m missing what never was

 

You and me will never be together

It’s you and her now

And I have to be okay with it

So I’ll fake a smile and wish you well

I wish you well

 

I’m not the best at expressing how I feel

But now I’m thinking that maybe that’s a good thing

I’ll save myself the embarrassment of looking like a fool

And chasing after you

I never thought someone would be able to steal

A part of my heart without even trying

But now I see that it’s not even real

I’m missing what never was

 

Link to song:

https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/finding-myself/id598460623

Copyright 2012

We’re Only Human

Why do the best things

Come to an abrupt end

When you need it the most

You close your eyes

You turn away for a split second

And it all blows up in your face

 

It’s all falling apart

It will never be the same

 

I feel so sick

Like someone’s punched me in the gut

Inflicting so much pain

Having faith that it will all work out for the best

Doesn’t take away every single ounce of pain

 

It’s all falling, tearing us apart

It will never be the same

 

Searching to find a way that

God could be moving in this mess

In this mess that we’ve found ourselves buried in

Because we’re only human

We’re only human

Just keep the faith

Don’t lose your faith in Him

Don’t lose your faith in Him

Because this is bigger than we are

Just put it in His hands

Let Him take control

And show us what we cannot see right now

Let him take control

And show us what we cannot see right now

 

Cause it’s all falling

Tearing us apart

 

Link to song:

https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/finding-myself/id598460623

Copyright 2012

You and Me

It’s not like anything was missing

But not everything was there

I thought that life was made just for me

But there were moments I could share

Happiness and inspiration came less often to my door

I couldn’t help but think about it

Was there more I could live for

 

You’ve always been the one I hoped for

The one I thought I’d never see

And even though it took a while

Forever you are here with me

And if you were lost or fallen

I don’t know what I would do

Cause everything I’ve ever wanted is found here and now with you

 

It’s not everyday you wake up

And meet the man you’re made to love

Felt like getting struck by lightning

You were sent from God above

I’m never gonna let you go now

No we’ll never be apart

Between our quirky imperfections

We’re a perfect work of art

 

You’ve always been the one I hoped for

The one I thought I’d never see

And even though it took a while

Forever you are here with me

And if you were lost or fallen

I don’t know what I would do

Cause everything I’ve ever wanted is found here and now with you

 

It’s here with you

I never thought that it could happen

I never thought dreams could come true

But when you are standing with me

There is nothing we can’t do

Now the world is laid before us

Endless possibilities

Even though it won’t be perfect

All I need is you and me

 

It’s not like anything was missing

But not everything was there

I know that life was made just for us

And these are moments we will share

 

Link to song:

https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/finding-myself/id598460623

Copyright 2012

Slow Down, This Part of Your Life Will Be Over Before You Know It.

I took a drive around my city tonight. I’ve lived here my whole life and I feel like I’ve never really taken a drive just to drive. To actually look at the city in which I grew up. To take a trip down memory lane.

So I did that. I drove just to drive. Passed my elementary school, middle school, and high school. Passed the soccer fields I grew up playing at. Passed the house that I spent most of my childhood living in. And I realized that there are so, so many places that hold memories for me. The different places I would ride bikes or go for walks with friends. The block that we walked down every morning to get to the bus stop in elementary school. I can remember which cracks in that sidewalk are just uneven enough that you would be able to trip on them. The morning that German Shepherd jumped over the fence and just about attacked us. There are so many memories in that neighborhood I grew up in. Playing football and soccer through three different backyards. So many summer nights of capture the flag and kick the can. The friends that lived close enough to walk over whenever to ask if you could come outside and play. Before cellphones and the internet were such a big part of our lives. When all we had was each other and our bikes.

There are so many times when I long to have those days back. To go back to when life was simple. To go back to being a kid who’s biggest responsibilities were to keep my room clean and to eat my vegetables. To go back to being that innocent little kid who’s biggest fear was the monsters under the bed.

When you’re a kid, all you want is to grow up. To be able to feel the freedom of being older. To outgrow your bedtime. You want to be able to drive and get a job and graduate high school. To be able to make your own rules. And even then, when you get to that point. When you get to the point where you’re the adult you’ve been waiting to be, there are times when you would give anything to be able to hide under the comfort of your parents rules. To go back to being that innocent little kid who had absolutely no idea how scary this world could be.

So slow down, because this part of your life will be over before you know it.

You don’t expect time to go by so fast. You don’t expect life to hit you so hard. And when you realize that you’ve grown up. That you’re not that innocent little kid anymore. It can just about break your heart.